Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
