just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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