have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
