Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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