4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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