I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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