you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
