lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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