Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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