seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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