We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
