The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
