can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
