shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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