please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
