She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
