people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
