I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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