You just made me feel so damn special
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
