i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
