There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
