i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
