The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
