i already hear my dad disowning me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
