Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
