Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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