Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
