So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
