you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
