Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
