i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
