2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
