I wish my penis had an off switch
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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