Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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