thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
