the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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