i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's paint friendship bongs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
