Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
