At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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