First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
