Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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