Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
