I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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