sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
