I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
