Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
