that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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