never play flip cup with pint glasses
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
