Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
