the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
