before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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