dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
