i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
