Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
