2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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