just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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