I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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