FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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