Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
