The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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