I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
