Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
