So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
