Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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