well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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