He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
