While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
