The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
