We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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