Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
