I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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