I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
